"Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms."
I should either kill, or thank, Sarahchu for pointing me back in the direction of blogspot. Tumblr is, in fact, a dickbag- the Facebook of blogging, and morally questionable. And just like that, you have my entry for how many trendy modernist web references can you get in one paragraph. A lackluster effort, admittedly.
Today, I had a fight with somebody a part of me wished never, ever to fight with. On top of that, the extent of the damage done came into a view so clear even Stevie Wonder is telling me to turn down the lights. The damage is just that clear. So I shall, in turn, be clear. It's only fair.
I love you both. I love everything about your lives and your family, more perhaps than you, since my vision is clouded and a large part of the story is unseen in these eyes. But nonetheless. The complete unity, loyalty, honesty, and let's once again be clear, love I once had the honour of witnessing floored me the moment I witnessed it. How sickening then, how deeply, deeply pathetic that I gave away my entitlement to be in the presence of such a thing. And that's without even mentioning the nature of that giveaway. I am a fool, simple as.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is a simple sorry. Not one that I expect accepted, or even acknowledged, but just what an apology should be- an expression of remorse. My dad once damned me with the observation that I showed no remorse after deliberate deceit. Maybe he was right, but not in this instance.
Reading back, the worst thing about those last two paragraphs is the fact that, with some small adjustments, they could apply to a large number of the people that had the curse of stepping into my life, and stepping out again.
Dear god, am I turning into my dad after all?
More apologies will come, and a letter to one who asked for it specifically.
Be good, and for the love of the little Spanish boy Jesus, be good,
S.xxx
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